Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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