Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize