What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize