So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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