He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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