i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
