I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
