...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
then he tried to convert me to islam
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
