Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
