It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Farmville is her only friend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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