Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize