Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
