Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
