Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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