i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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