the condom got lost in my hair
she looked like the before picture.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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