508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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