She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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