the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
