Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Every concussion has its silver lining
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
