speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My penis needs a shock collar
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
