I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
