Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize