I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize