He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
