I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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