So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
