Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
