he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
