Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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