but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
