So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
