I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
