I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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