I wish life had little blips of pornography
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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