Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize