No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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