I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
