What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
