do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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