This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize