So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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