whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
