i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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