Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We have so much sex to catch up on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
