i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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