it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize