so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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