im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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