when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
