Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
