My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
