Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize