i would punch a child for taco bell
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
