I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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