the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
