I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
