We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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