dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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