there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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