and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
