saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
