Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
