My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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