Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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