woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
