No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
