that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
don't judge my taste in strippers
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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