i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You made out with two different species that night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
