so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
