My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
